Visiting Relatives or Friends

Keywords: Relatives, vacation, visiting family

By Stacy DeBroff

When I was visiting the home of family members who had set up a crib for my child, right next to it within easy reach was a pair of grown-up scissors. So regardless of where you visit, survey the environment to make sure it does not contain hazards. No one can do that but you. —Anonymous

I made a sheet of labels (cute ones with baby faces) that read “When found, please call Stephanie & Stu Spencer at (our phone number)” and placed them on anything and everything that might get lost. The idea is not necessarily that the item is expensive or irreplaceable, but that a friend or relative may find it and not know exactly which visiting parent left it behind. —Stephanie Spencer, mom of Mason, 2, and Paige, 5 months

Taking a vacation to visit relatives and friends can be a great opportunity for you to catch up with people you love, save a little money on hotels and other expenses, take advantage of dependable babysitting, and give your child time to bond with people who are important to you. But it can also devolve into a stressful nightmare. Starting out with honesty and understanding makes it easier to talk things over if tensions arise during your visit. To avoid some of the pitfalls of being a houseguest, discuss with your hosts what kind of visit you both hope to have. Ask them plenty of questions about the type of visit they want to have with you and establish expectations ahead of time:

• Do your hosts plan to take time off to spend with you or your child, or do they expect you to find your own entertainment?

• Will they expect you to hire a sitter and leave your child at home while the adults go out together?

• Will your hosts help with child care?

• What are the shopping, cooking, housekeeping, and sleeping arrangements? Will you be able to do laundry there? Would your hosts prefer that you stay in a local hotel?

• Are there house rules by which you or your child must abide?

• What kinds of restrictions do you have for your child (TV, meals, bedtime) that you would like to preserve while visiting?

• How long are you welcome?

• Do they have or can they borrow baby equipment for you to use?

• Spend time away from your hosts to give them a break and yourselves a chance to regroup as a family. Take your child for a walk, to a nearby playground, on a local adventure, or out to the store to replace supplies that you’ve depleted. Time away will help break the tension of long hours spent with your hosts.

• Don’t expect relatives or friends without toddlers to have baby-proofed houses. Warn your hosts ahead of time to put breakables up high, and bring a few of your own baby-proofing devices, such as outlet plug covers, just in case.

• As a thank you, plan to hire a babysitter one night and take your hosts out to dinner without your child, or else have a delicious meal delivered for you to share on your last night together.

Stacy, heralded as a “parenting guru” by the Wall Street Journal, authored four best-selling parenting books (Simon & Schuster) and launched Mom Central, Inc. (www.MomCentral.com), a company devoted to providing savvy advice to simplify and enrich the lives of busy Moms and their families. Stacy appears as a regular parenting expert on national TV show, including NBC’s Today Show, CNN, The View, Tyra Banks Show, CBS’ Early Show, The Daily Buzz, Mike And Juliet, Fox & Friends, and the Rachael Ray Show. Stacy also serves as a corporate spokesperson, trendspotting for the media on behalf of over 30 national brands.

In the 1990’s, Stacy founded and ran as an attorney the Public Interest Office at Harvard Law School. Stacy lives with her husband, Ron, and happily engages in imperfect parenting of their two teens, Kyle and Brooks, in Boston, Massachusetts.